The first day back after half term was an inset day, and as I dressed myself in the dark I never for one moment thought that in just a few short hours I would be in the gymnasium at my school in front of a group of 30 or so colleagues with my right boob falling out of my bra whilst my trousers simultaneously fell down, but Crossfit is all about general physical preparedness so I’m seeing it as a learning experience.
The morning proceeded uneventfully but in the afternoon we were separated into groups and given different tasks to do. When the PE teacher announced that each group needed one member to undertake a physical task whilst the others worked on an academic test I was only too happy to volunteer. At last I wasn’t that person cringing at the thought of being asked to exert myself! I was delighted and, with a confidence that I have rarely seen in myself, I stood up and muttered ‘bring it on!’ with a huge smile on my face.
We could choose from two tasks – either skip for 5 minutes straight or hold plank for 5 minutes. My core strength (or lack thereof) has been an ongoing issue for me. Just the previous weekend I had declared ‘I don’t have abs, I have jelly!’ to one of my coaches as he gave me instructions on how to plank properly, so I knew that wasn’t for me. But skipping for 5 minutes? Piece of (paleo) cake! I was just a few skips in when I began to realise my mistake as my 36 E boobs bounced violently and the straps on my bra began to slip. Yes I could skip for five minutes when the puppies were strapped down in my Shock Absorber bra, but could I skip with just a bit of cotton and lace for support? As with so many things in my life, I hadn’t thought this through.
I have always considered myself an uncompetitive person but I think that has been a way to keep myself safe from failure or to pretend that I don’t care if I do fail. Not any more: I wanted to win! I had to find a way to pull up my bra straps and continue skipping, but how? In the end it was no good. I had to stop the rope but the PE teacher (seeing the desperation in my eyes) said that if I kept on bouncing it was okay, so that is what I did. Brilliant! Panic over… or so I thought. A few skips in and they began to slip again, but this time, to my horror, my jeans began to slide down too! I was nearing the end of my 30 day paleo challenge and it had clearly been effective. Not wearing a belt had been a terrible mistake – what kind of fool fails to anticipate that they will be skipping at work?
Using the same one handed skipping technique as before, I had to save the jeans from falling down and, just in time, I did. Phew! Disaster averted. It was the final minute and despite the odds I was still going. Thank God! But that’s when it happened. The trousers migrating south had distracted me from the ongoing issue with my over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder and before I knew it, it was too late. My right breast had made a bid for freedom and had bounced out of my bra. The horror! Who knew the devastation a boob of such magnitude could reek when left to bounce unfettered and unconstrained? Would I knock myself unconscious? How many innocent bystanders would I take down with me? What else could I do? I had to keep going! By the time the whistle blew I was too preoccupied with dressing myself to even notice if we’d won but it didn’t matter – I had won by not giving up. Dignity is over rated.
So that was Monday.
In case anyone is interested, I got my final results from the 30 day paleo challenge* on Wednesday and I was very happy. 2 inches lost from my waist, 8 pounds and 2.5% body fat dropped. Not too shabby at all, and I certainly wasn’t the only one with fantastic results across the board. I have come out of the end of it feeling as though it is more than just another diet fad, it is a way of life that suits me very well. It has totally dealt with my IBS and my raging PMT feels much more manageable now.
* Lots of people from the box did this together under the instruction of the gorgeous Barnaby Gabos Gehlcken featured below in gold leggings.
Thanks for reading, I’m now blogging over at joskibyrne.wordpress.com come and join me!